Malcolm's Autobiography

It's 6 am right now and I woke up like a crazy person crying helplessly cos i dreamt that my auntie was about to leave my home and wanna go back to her own home and i kept begging her not to go, and was crying in my dream. It's so sad, considering her illness for quite some time now, and i kept dreaming of her. I'm constantly having this nightmare, but this time is the worst. My eyes are swollen right now and it is so weird since i haven't been crying for such a long time. I really hope it's just a dream and nothing bad happens. I felt like so wanna call someone and talk to them, but afraid of disturbing people's sleeps. Luckily there's a blog for me to turn to during this time.

I really love a song called You Lost Me by Christina Aguilera. This particular song may not appeal to a person on first listen, but it's definitely going to grow on you after a while, considering the deep meaning of the lyrics, that I believe some people can relate to the song. As for the MV, I love the concept of the video which really match the emotion and situation of the song itself, and it's quite simple. Having said that, sometimes, simple is better!

Here's the MV of You Lost Me by Christina Aguilera! Enjoy!~

During my visit in Sydney, I was also required to apply for my New Zealand visa as the office to lodge the application form is only in Sydney. Hence, i took this opportunity to lodge my application form in person as I thought I had prepared all the documents that were required, stated on the immigration website, instead of using post.

I asked Vin to bring me there since I was not familiar with the location, but I did search on internet and knew it was just around the area where I stayed. After we reached there, it was quite a long queue and we waited for about an hour till my turn. Thus, I handed out the documents required to the immigration officer, and guess what?! The officer told me that I missed out one document, which was letter of enrollment from my university. I was like WTH?! Since I even did the documents requirement checklist and whatnot and it didn't even stated that enrollment letter is required. Hence, I tried to tell the officer about it and the officer could do nothing but agree that it is indeed not stated on the application form and website checklist, as it is a special requirement for student.

Nevertheless, it was still needed, otherwise, she could not progress my visa application. Hence, I was asked to either fax or email it to her ASAP, but the thing was that I only able to get it once I went back to Melbourne, and the fastest it can be done was by Monday, as the university is closed during weekend and I was gonna depart on Thursday. Honestly, I was so frustrated and didn't have the mood to even have fun on a trip to the beach. I tried to ask for help from a friend in Melbourne but the university won't let her as the university required me to come in person. What a mess! Sigh..

I felt so pressured and frustrated at the same time, as I already paid for the flight, tour + accommodation in NZ and to be honest, that's a lot of money. I came back from Sydney on Saturday. Obviously I really can do nothing much during weekend as I had to wait till Monday.

As Monday eventually came, I woke up early in the morning and stormed out to my uni. I went to the student service department and ask for my enrollment letter. For some reasons, it took quite sometime for the person in charge to print it out and the first print out turned out to be error as other details are correct, but my name was mistakenly input as other people's name. This actually happened to me before when I asked for my bank account statement in one of the bank branches. Guess it's the computer software error early in the morning (-_-'').

Thus, I went to library, scanned the letter and sent it to the visa officer, but I received no reply. Then I thought perhaps I should wait till afternoon, but then after 2 pm, I didn't receive any reply whatsoever. Hence, I started to worry and tried to call the immigration office. I called so many times and the one who answered was an operator and all it does was asking me to hold and I held for like 1 hour and still not my turn, as my queue number on the phone was 116. WTH! I spent my half day calling the immigration office and listening to the operator repeatedly, asking me to 'hold and that visa officer will come to you shortly' + the hold instrument which getting on my nerves!! Nevertheless, I ended up with nothing, and I spent the rest of the day doing nothing but sleep as I didn't want to think of the consequences of not getting my passport n visa.

I remembered that around 8 or 9 pm, my friend, Phei Fang, who organized this trip called me and asked me regarding something related to New Zealand, whether I want it or not. I felt so frustrated and really didn't know how to answer as I haven't received my passport n visa. Then, she asked me to call my friend, Vin, in Sydney, to help me ask regarding my passport n visa status on Tuesday morning, which I did so, but he didn't answer his phone. Hence, I went back to bed and around 1 am, Vin called back and he agreed to help me to go to the immigration office asking for my passport n visa status tomorrow morning.

As I couldn't sleep well, I woke up at 6 in the morning, trying to again call the immigration office and ended up with operator saying something 'unavailable' in the line as the opening hour starts from 9 am - 4 pm. Hence, I waited till around 8.30 and called again. This time the queue number is 2, then I tried to wait for about 30 minutes and finally it's my turn as my call was directed to an officer. I asked him regarding my visa status and told him regarding my situation and that I emailed my document to the visa officer but have not received any reply whatsoever. Apparently, he told me that the visa officer who progressed my visa was on leave for couple days and again I was asked to hold my phone as he helped to check for me. I waited for more than 15 mins and suddenly I heard nothing, hence I decided to hung up the phone. I tried to call back and now the operator told me that my queue number's 17. OMG, I really wanna freaking faint!! Then, I called Vin, asked him whether he was already there but he didn't answer the phone. Hence, I assumed that perhaps he has not woke up yet since he finished off his work so late last nite. I tried to wait patiently and calm myself down.

About 30 minutes later, he called back and told me that he was on his way to the immigration office. I was quite relieved as there was at least a little hope for it, though I didn’t expect much of it. I was told not to worry and that everything’s gonna be alrite. Then 15 minutes later, I was told that he already went inside the office and that the queue was not very long. When I asked whether there were many people there, I, again for some reason started to think negative since he said the people there were more than the first time we went, though most of them came in groups.

Shortly after that, he called back again, this time telling me that the officer wanted to talk to me through his phone, I felt a moment of happiness n hope and talked to the officer, and was told that I hung up the phone, and that they tried to call me back and could not get through to me. Thus, I told the person on phone regarding my situation again and telling her that the visa officer who was in charge of my visa was on leave and then she was like ‘Oh It’s me, I’m back’. Apparently, she’s the officer who was in charge of my visa previously. I was like ‘ OMG, you’re back..’ LOL! Then, I told her regarding my situation and asked her to help me finished off the visa by today, as it required one day to post my passport from Sydney to Melbourne through express post and I was going to depart on Thursday morning. Thus, she told me that she will try to get it done by four and post it to me, or perhaps if it was not posted by today, then perhaps she’s gonna post to me tomorrow, and I was like, ‘Please, I am going on Thursday, I really need my passport n visa the latest by Wednesday and today is Tuesday’ and then she was like ‘Oh, I thought today is Monday’. Then she said she will try to get it done by today and asked me for my contact number.

The moment I hung up the phone, I really felt so relieved, as there was hope of getting my passport n visa in time. Having said that, I was still quite distracted by the negative thoughts. There was always something negative that I could think of, such as my passport missing at the time of delivery, or perhaps I didn’t receive my passport in time, etc. Though, I was more than 50% relieved, I was still unsure whether the visa officer could get it done and at the same time posted it by today, as she didn’t inform me anything whatsoever. Hence, I tried to call the immigration again and ended up with nothing. So, I decided to email her again, and this time, within minutes or so, I suddenly got a reply from her saying that my passport has been posted via express post and that in future time, I was told not to purchase ticket before getting my visa, and that the visa application took about 10 working days from a complete submitted documents, and that she only received mine yesterday.

After I read her email, I really didn’t know whether I should be happy or not, as she didn’t tell me regarding my visa status. Again, I started to worry that my visa has not been approved yet as she said it needed approximately 10 working days, but then it makes no sense, as she definitely knew that although with a passport, but without NZ visitor visa, I was still unable to enter NZ. Actually, I understood what the email was about: firstly, my passport has been posted via express post, and the rest of the sentences were advice. But somehow, it had a vague message to me considering I was in this kind of situation. Nonetheless, I still prayed so hard to get my passport in time.

On Wednesday, I woke up at 8 in the morning, waiting for the postman to come since the doorbell was not working, as previously the parcel that was shipped to me was sent to the nearest post office, and I had to pick it up in person there, which was quite troublesome. Hence, I tried to wait on my balcony but it felt so cold! Then, I decided to open my balcony door so that I could hear or know when the postman arrived. The weather was quite cold in that particular morning, I even required to wear jacket in my room with heater on as the balcony door was opened, sigh..

I waited for 3 hours while playing the sims 3, though I couldn’t 100% focus on the game and started to worry, suddenly I heard a starting engine sound, and I quickly looked outside my balcony. It turned out to be a white van, so I started to doubt whether it’s the postman, and decided to go downstairs and checked it out. As I just wanna go down the stairs, my housemate, Nicholas, who was also going to NZ, was about to go upstairs, but I didn’t expect him to hand over an envelope to me, as I thought he’s going to bathroom. I freaked out when he told me that I got a letter and that it’s possibly my passport. Then I quickly opened the envelope and checked the visa on my passport. OMG, I was so happy that I received my passport in time. It was just a day before my departure date! How lucky was I?! Thank god for that!

Honestly, I also wanna thank my buddy, Vincent Ruen a lot as he worked till so late that nite and had to go to the immigration office early in the morning. Owe u once! I also wanna thank Lee Shy Leoi for troubling her to go to uni asking for my letter of enrolment, although ended up with nothing, but still thanks for ur willingness to help. Last but not least, I wanna thank Desiva Lin, Lin Yi Mei, Lee Sok May & Low Phei Fang for kindly cheering me and reassuring me that I could get my passport and visa in time, which I did!

Thank You So Much!

Cheers,

Xmalcolm

Ahh Finally, I'm back after finishing all my exams, and now I got a lot of story to write. First off, this year's semester break was really packed and my schedules were all filled with a lot of traveling, which was fantastic!

I finished my last paper on June 22nd, which was quite miserable as that particular morning was freezing cold and I was trembling the whole way from the beginning till the end of the exam + I didn't do well in the exam. Frankly speaking, I really didn't do well in any of the four papers as most of the papers turned out to be very unexpected, but it was all over as the result is out and luckily I passed all the subjects, though could only be satisfied with C for three subjects and a P for the 'suckest' subject that I had ever taken in my whole semesters! Well, actually I was kinda expecting I was going to fail this particular subject, but thank god I passed.

Anyway, my Sydney trip was awesome. I went there on June 28th along with 7 other friends. We went to many places, from beaches to blue mountain and tried various Sydney's famous restaurants and cafes, including Pancakes on The Rocks, Bavarian Bier Cafe York and Hurricane's Grill. Moreover, I got to meet a long lost buddy, Vincent Ruen and his gf, Michelle Tran, nice to meet you! The apartment where I stayed was Maestri Towers, one bedroom studio apartment, which could fit about 4 people as the room was very big for 2 people. For some reasons, I really loved staying there. The room was fully furnished, even with washing machine and the bathroom was soo..uhm..clean i guess?! LOL! Lastly, the most interesting part is that apparently, the apartment where I stayed is just a few blocks from the apartment where my friends live. Even I was able to use their wifi connection in my room. LOL!

*Pictures coming soon*

I have been so eff up with assignments n tests these couple weeks. I was so busy rushing with three assignments + 2 tests. This seems to be my very first time to have each subject with assignment and test. As I'm taking 4 subjects this semester, thus 4 assignments + 7 tests. Really wanna vomit blood! Luckily this time around, I considered myself 'not very' last minute! Well, some people still considered myself VERY LAST MINUTE! =_= Honestly, since this is my first semester studying in Australia, I think it is way better than the previous semester when I was studying in Malaysia, as I will only start my assignment at least 2 or 3 days before the due date, but of course cramming for it without getting much sleep .*Faint*. Anyway, now I'm done with all assignments n tests, well at least for this semester. Having said that, it also means that EXAM IS AROUND THE CORNER! OMG, it's like a never ending progress..But let's just put exam aside first, as I am going to talk about my feeling.

Recently, I feel like I'm having identity crisis. Well it's nothing serious though, it's not like I'm having psychology issues and whatnot. It's just that I wish I am following my passion and putting all my efforts and hard work on things that I love, rather than putting all my efforts and hard work on things that I was not interested in the first place. I felt like I was not given the opportunity to find my passion, thus leaving me no choices but to do what I'm currently doing. I often feel unhappy about this as this is an ongoing torture for me at the same time, having to undergo all of these for years. Sometimes, when I check my facebook, i felt envy to those friends who are doing what they are actually into, in terms of photography to other professions like dancer, hairdresser, or even doctor. As for now, I'm so stuck in my current situation.

After all these years, never in my life do I ever get number 1 in any situation. The best achievement so far is getting 4th rank in my academic during my senior high school and having to live with all the comparisons and stuff, I'm just sick of those. Frankly speaking, if you are not number 1, in many cases, u are nobody. Well this is what I felt of the society, even my family members used to think of me like that, or perhaps it's only my immature thoughts of them on me. Honestly, I am the type of person who really care about how other people look on me, and I hate being underestimated, especially by family members. Although it is still tolerable when people criticize us, since we couldn’t control their mouth and that’s their opinion, but as for family members, it is intolerable for me because family members should accept whatever we are and continue to support and embrace us whenever we needed them the most.

Having said that, the life in Australia is completely different with Malaysia in many aspects, in terms of lifestyle, food, weather, entertainment and most importantly the currency exchange rate! From the first day I stepped into this Kangaroo country, I marked it as my new chapter of life with new environment, new challenges, new lifestyle and whatnot. I tried so hard not to care about anything other than my studies and three months have passed since the day I came and I survived so far. Until recently, it came to my attention that I have lost a lot of weight, as many of my friends when meeting me were quite shocked seeing me being so much skinny than before.

Honestly, I have never in my life being fat before, but at least when I was in Malaysia I’m considered skinny but not this skinny. Before I came here, I told myself that in Australia I’m going to be a low profile person, don’t care about looks, don’t need to always be well groomed when going outside as no one knows me, and my mom also kept reminding me that I’m here to study, not being a model or celeb. However, when I looked in the mirror, I started to feel many changes in me. It’s like I’m out of character as I’m in rare form. As for friends who really knew me, they would know it’s not the norm cause I’m doing things that I normally won’t do. The way I look is totally the opposite of what I was before, which makes me feel insecure. I used to have a self-esteem problem and it has somehow disappeared, but it seems to come back again.

Somehow, I felt I need to find myself back, as this is not myself. How I wish I can tell myself the old me’s gone as I feel brand new, and if you don’t like it, Fuck You! But I couldn’t, as I couldn’t live in this lie. I’m not being who I am, and it’s torturing not being myself for quite sometimes. Nonetheless, I need to regain myself in a way that could adjust in this new environment and strengthen my self-control. Thinking back on the days I had before coming to Australia, I just realized how blessed my life was with good caring friends that not everyone has, able to travel quickly and conveniently with car and abundant entertainment options, just to name a few.

People often say that sometimes we need to experience a loss to be able to appreciate what we have and that’s what I’m experiencing right now. Either in Indonesia or Malaysia, I’m able to have satisfied everything that I want and I need at the same time. Although in Australia, I have everything that I need but not everything that I want, I’m still grateful that I have the opportunity to study here and experiencing different cultures, environment and whatnot. Life is all about making choices and in order to make choices, sometimes we have to sacrifice something for another great things. Hence, I have to stop complain and learn to be grateful for things that I have instead of things that I don’t have, as the number 1 enemy of being grateful is taking something for granted which makes us forget how miserable it would be if we didn’t have it. Thus, being grateful makes us see the bright side of life that turns us into positive people.

The title of this post actually reflects what i felt recently, especially these couple days. I didn't know why, well actually i knew why, but that's not important. Let's talk about the saddest part of it. As you all may know that mother's day is around the corner, which is this Sunday, May 9th, I thought of calling my mom few days earlier, which was yesterday, and i really didnt expect any bad news since i was almost always online and i didn't hear any news whatsoever from my sis. Actually there were both good news and bad news. Let's talk about the bad news first.

Well, the bad news was that my mom fell and hurt herself very badly, i was shocked when i heard that. From what she told me, her whole body was like bruises everywhere and she even broke her tooth. I really could not imagine that happen to her and my heart felt very pain. The good news is that thank god she is fine now, based on what the doctor has said, luckily my mom fell forward and not backward, since if she fell backward, the consequence may be fatal. I was wondering how my mom could have fallen and apparently she said when she just woke up, she directly got up from bed and suddenly felt dizzy and fell to the floor. Gosh, i'm so worried, because this has never happened before, she never felt dizzy and whatnot. Having said that, i'm still very thankful to god that she's fine now.

The second bad news is that my auntie, she suddenly felt sick. My mom told me that she's having complication. As far as i know, her health condition was not very good these past few years. But from what i heard, this time around, her health is getting worse and worse. I felt really sad, as you may know, she has been taking care of me since i was only six months old, although we are not family as we don't share the same bloodline, but we already treat her as part of our family. Sometimes, i felt myself so useless since i still cannot do anything about it. I'm still studying and haven't been working watsoever. I cannot help much about it. I really hope that i can finish my course faster and graduate. By the time i get a stable job, I really hope that i still have the opportunity to pay back or at least help her by any means. Hope she will get well soon.

This year CNY falls on Feb 14th which is Valentine's Day. Woke up quite late since I was still sick. FYI, I was sick on the third day I came back to my beloved hometown, Medan..wasting my precious two weeks time before going to Melbourne. However, I only went to see doctor yesterday because my mom forced me LOL! telling me that I am goin' to Melbourne soon, sighh..even though i didn't get any injection HAHA..

Anywy, the first day of CNY is almost the same each and every year. Although this year, the 'angpao' earnings increased significantly, which was quite shocking, since i recalled gettin lesser and lesser each year LOL!! Well, one of the reasons is that many of my relatives have just gettin married, including my own brother, but honestly, I don't really care anyway..;)

There are lots of guests came to my house, most of them are relatives though and we all enjoyed talking and of course catching up for the latest news, since everyone is busy with their works and barely met one another. Hence, CNY is the time to get in touch with family, relatives and friends.

February 16th 2010 (Tuesday)
Today, I woke up quite early in the morning..uhm is 9 am considered early??? It's early for me anyway, LOL! I planned to go and get a new laptop today and had my haircut since I'm leaving soon. Hence, me and my brother went to Medan Fair Plaza to look for it. Unfortunately, there were so many shops that had not opened, especially it's the third day of CNY, which believed by Chinese is not a good day to open business..Actually there were shops that sell laptop but not the brand that I want..Sighh..again wasting my time for nothing but at least i managed to get my haircut and it's surprisingly short!!! Though, i'm not lovin' it nor did i hatin' it, just that reminding me of the time I was in high school.. *Picture coming up* ;P

Febrauary 17th 2010 ( Wednesday)
Obviously, this was my last day in my lovely hometown, as I was going to transit to KL tomorrow morning, and catch a midnite flight to Melbourne. Hence, I was desperate on getting new laptop. Woke up at 9 am again and after taking shower and having breakfast, my brother took me to BII building just right beside Sun Plaza, because from what we've been told, there's an ASUS notebook dealer in this building. After reaching the building, apparently they already switched their product to HP, which was not what i desired. I was so disappointed because it was so wasting time and it was so difficult to park our car in the building, as the provided basement carpark was so small! However, we did get information and name card regarding ASUS dealer from them. Then, we straight away went to Jln. Multatuli, and on the way there, i tried to call the shop, but it turned out that all the three phone lines are being repaired..DAMN! After we reached there, apparently the shop closed and there's a board written Rent/ Sell! I was so disappointed and thought that I had no choice but to buy either Toshiba or HP notebook. Suddenly, one guy came out next to the shop and I tried to ask them regarding the shop and he said the shop moved to another block. Hence, we straight away went to the location that was told.

After reaching the shop, I asked the person in charge regarding the laptop that i want, and she showed me two type as that's their only ready stock due to holidays. Since I was looking for core 2 duo, there's only one type, the other one was dual core. Hence, i didn't have any choice watsoever, but to pick the one and only type, even the colour..There supposed to be black and silver, but the one left was silver colour, so i had to take it anywy although my old laptop is silver colour as well. Having said that, so far i have no regrets choosing this laptop as the specifications in terms of memory, hardisk, processor in my opinion are quite good and last but not least, the price is quite reasonable compare to the price of other laptop brands that have been asked yesterday.
(*picture of my new notebook coming soon*) ;P

February 18th 2010 (Thursday)
Finally, the day has come..It felt like it was just a blink in the eye and the times come. I woke up at 6 am today although i slept quite late last nite because of packing up my stuffs! I only managed to sleep more or less about 3 hours or so..Although breakfast has been prepared, I really didnt have any appetite at all..So my mom asked my 'ii' (auntie) to put it on a container for me to eat inside the car. As the driver has been fired due to some incident, supposedly my mom was the one who sent me to the airport, but today, my dad woke up early in the morning intended to send me to the airport along with my mom. Well, it was beyond my expectation since I recalled the first time i studied overseas, I was all alone. I mean my parents didn't even send me to the airport, as it was by my driver and my 'ii', but this time, for some reason, i felt so grateful..Perhaps, it's because i was going to a further country to study.

Before I got into the car, I hugged my grandma and my 'ii', this time around i didn't get emotional at all. Guess I was getting used to it now, but I saw my 'ii' sobbed a bit although she tried not to let anybody see it. My mom asked me to take photos with her and my dad as well. Soon after that, we got into the car and went to the airport. It took about 20 minutes from my home to the airport and sometimes 30 minutes depending on the traffics.

My flight was at 9.40 am and I was already at the airport 2 hours before departure. To my surprise, the airport was so crowded and there was a long queue line. Perhaps, it was the end of holidays (CNY) and many people were going back overseas to continue their studies. After I finished check-in my luggage and whatnot, I was in a queue to get my passport chopped in order to proceed in the waiting room. I was waiting patiently as I am not in rush. Apparently, a person in front of me asked me to proceed to the front as he was waiting for his friends which i did as what he told. After cutting people's line (well, if considered, lol as it's not my intention to do that), the queue was still quite long.. But, what's gettin' on my nerves the most was that why people sometimes need to act so unethical and cutting people's line.

Well, there's one woman who i think was in her 40s or 50s perhaps was kinda annoying, and I'm not talking about races and whatnot as I am not trying to be racist and discriminate against people. I just have no idea and i know it's not happening to me but from what i saw just in front of my eyes was just intolerable, as she just kept pushing people in the line to move forward..Well it's not like she literally pushed people forward, but the way she kept getting closer and closer to people from behind, and indirectly pushing people to move forward and with the intention to cut the queue was pissing me off, since I had experienced that before, and it's really getting on my nerves.

I was aware of this because the person behind me unintentionally knocked me a bit because of that woman. As i looked back, it was the person who asked me to proceed to his front line along with his friends. Hence, i just stepped aside and let them passed through me since I was not in rush at that moment, and also i noticed that they were in a rush as they were told to board the aircraft. Personally, i also knew that one person, which in this case was me, to let them passed through me did not make any significant differences, but i just wanted to see clearer what that woman actually done..LOL as she managed to cut queue from that person and his friends.

(to be continued..)

I just realized it has been 6 months long since my last post. Well, as I have previously mentioned before that I'm planning to continue my studies in Australia, so i was quite busy with my studies most of my time during the past few months..LOL, eventhough, laziness was partly to be blamed for not updating my blog too HAHA..!

Anyway, yesterday was a very special day, at least for me, since I was able to get the chance celebrating my last few days in Malaysia going KTV with my friends. I felt so happy and thankful at the same time appreciated them for taking their time for throwing such an amazing kinda party before I'm leaving for Australia..We all pretty much enjoyed and singing our lungs out..LOL!


Sometimes, when i think it over the past few years when I was having my 'so-called' breakdown, i felt like i was the most pathetic person on Earth. However, now I felt I was so blessed and I have to thank god for having me surrounded by so many great friends. I used to blame myself a lot regarding to having myself transfer to my current university, but now, i felt so thankful, because of this, i got to know a lot of great new friends and constantly surrounded by them, unlike my previous university, where everyone is so individualistic.

As years changed, I learned a lot of lessons through my experience in the previous year as well, and i would like to share and hope to inspire and motivate people that read my blog who may be having or facing a similar situation that I had faced before. One of it was learned to try accepting the reality and facing the truth, as this will make you feel better in person. Trust me, if you keep running from the truth, you will not go anywhere, as you will constantly feel that you're haunted by the truth, and you don't even have the courage to face people. I strongly believed that every problem has a solution, as it is just a matter of time. Frankly speaking, it also took me such a long time for me to accept the truth, and after i had, i felt so much better and wished that i had done it earlier.

Hence, trying to accept the fact and faced the truth will help a lot in terms of staying away from stress and make us more confidence and feel better about ourselves. Remember to always 'Believe in Yourself!"